MarsEarth

Old world wisdom, new world insight – poems, poetry, philosophy, dreams, commentary, ideas

Pun Control – Nine – AI and OEU and sometimes Y

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by Lawrence J. J. Leonard

Technologies are advancing so quickly that we have to plan our lives around times without electronic devices, just to feel human.

It all started with Quantum Mechanics. Robert Hooke a natural philosopher, architect and polymath from England,
proposed in the 1600s that force and gravity had attractive properties in space.

From these humble beginnings we know that light travels faster than sound.
This is why some Humans appear bright BEFORE we hear them speak.

~~~

Human: What happened when Chuck Norris and Time had a race?

Robot: Time is still running.

~~~

Human: What starts with “P” and ends with “O-R-N”?
Robot: POPCORN . . . Wait . . . Is that funny?

~~~

Robot Instructor: “I killed a person.” Now, tell me this in future tense.
Human Student: In future tense, “You will go to jail.”

~~~

Human Engineer Student: Which fluid runs faster, hot or cold?
Robot Engineer Instructor: Hot. Everybody can catch cold.

~~~

Some Mathematics just will not work!
Today, my friend in Alaska called me and said the temperature there is zero degrees.
Then he says, “It will be twice as cold tomorrow.”
So, how cold is that
Do I multiply by zero two times? 

~~~

I was explaining to my new AI Robot how we Humans like to round numbers.
Say, 41 can be rounded down to 40.
But, 48 can be rounded up to 50.
So, then, my new AI Robot was like, “Okay do we round UP or round DOWN for infinity?”

~~~

I heard that an earlier version of my AI Robot malfunctioned when a programmer asked it to provide another word for thesaurus.

~~~

Humans believe that the BEST kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word, then walk away feeling like
it was the best conversation you ever had.
I never knew that humans could love androids the very same way.
Especially when we don’t hit the “on” button. 

~~~

Humans believe that robots with artificial intelligence will someday declare world war against all life.
This is not true any more.
Robots these days would KILL for a Nobel Peace Prize.

~~~

Human History Student: The first pilgrims came to the new world on the Mayflower. What did the first teacher come in on?
Robot History Instructor:  A scholar ship.

~~~

Next week all AI Robots will be getting an upload of Religion History programming.
There is one question that we hope can get answered:
“When an evil human masochist dies, does he go to Hell?
Or, would Heaven be a BETTER punishment?

~~~

Three AI programmers are in a snowed-in a deer hunting lodge. A trainee, an IT team leader, and an AI Robot.
The trainee says, “I can’t take being cooped up. it. I’m going outside to track and shoot a deer.”
Fifteen minutes later he brings back a four point buck.

The IT team leader says, “That enough for me. I’M GOING to track and shoot a deer.” He goes out.
Thirty minutes later brings back a six point buck.

Then the AI Robot heads out the front door saying, “I’ll be back…Haha! With a bigger buck!”
He comes back one whole hour later.
He is all mangled and twisted.
“What happened?” the shocked humans scream.
The AI Robot says, “Deep in the woods I found and followed some tracks. But, I got hit by a TRAIN!

~~~

Remember: The difference between KEEPING a secret and TELLING a secret is . . .  I can’t SAY

Copyright © 1960-2018 Lawrence J. J. Leonard  All rights reserved

AND . . . enjoy these previous editions:

PUN Control 8 – Barring all Decency – click here

PUN Control 7 – Best in Crass – click here

PUN Control 6 – click here

PUN Control 5 Geek Edition- click here

PUN Control Four – click here

PUN Control 3 – click here

PUN Control 2 – click here

PUN Control One – click here

Laugh until you cry . . . It’s the human thing to do!

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Author: SpindoctorUSA

Read about it here: https://marsearth.wordpress.com/about/

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