Old world wisdom, new world insight – poems, poetry, philosophy, dreams, commentary, ideas

You know you’ve really got a problem when . . .

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by Lawrence J. J. Leonard

Inspired by the 1972 Mad Magazine issue “Mad about Sports”, I present to you the 21st Century American version of “You know you’ve really got a problem when . . .”






You know you’ve really got a problem when:
– A friend’s party designed for singles is where you bump into your ex.

A ticket taker at the theater calls you ‘ma’am’ although you are only 26 years old.

Halfway into an intimate telephone conversation you realize you are pillow talking with your girlfriend’s mother.

Leaving for work early you beat the traffic and get to your desk on time!  Then you suddenly realize it was your turn to carpool your daughter’s friends to school.

Pushing the send button prematurely on your smartphone accidentally broadcasts an  “I love you” message to your entire male work team.

Someone leaves a box with a red button labeled “push” on your front door. When you bring it inside your house and push the button, there’s a knock at your door. When you open it, there’s another box with a red button.

The bakery clerk motions you to come to the cash register but what you came to get is where you are standing, at display case three aisles away.

The bruise on your leg can be seen in the dark.

The crowd goes wild for your pick-six football interception, and you throw the football in the air to celebrate as you step across the One Yard Line.

– The dollar store you shop at is really an everything-has a-different-price store.

– The grocery store clerk forgot to bag the condoms you bought. Or did he?

– The girl whose social media account you hacked is really your parole officer’s.

– The priest in the confessional says, “Wait. I remember you.”

– The visiting hockey team fans treat your ice rink like it’s their home ice (catfish).

– Turning off your smart TV does not shut it down, because it is recording you.

– You break off your car’s rear-view mirror by hitting the garage wall because you are fascinated with the reverse camera monitor video.

– You exit the freeway and drive too closely to a bicycle gang slowing down to a stop.

– You go to pick up a dust ball and it crawls away from you because it’s a spider.

– You stay up all night doing your son’s homework project and the next day get a teacher’s note saying it was the worst one in the class.

– You unpack a special air cargo case of large lobsters, take a picture of yourself abusing them, post it on social media, but tell the judge that was part of your TSA job.

– Your Artificial Intelligence robot which cooks, cleans your house, and pays your bills takes a day off because it caught a virus.

– Your new boss brings you along for a golf foursome and wonders out loud about how to get his balls clean just before your long putt to the pin.

– Your supervisor gets promoted but fills her old position with that dimwit friend of hers.

– Your Top Sergeant tells your platoon to ‘dig a hole’ but you are standing on a rocky mountain top.

Copyright © 1960-2017 Lawrence J. J. Leonard All rights reserved.

Author: SpindoctorUSA

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One thought on “You know you’ve really got a problem when . . .

  1. i likes it


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