The best of both worlds – a recipe

(not really)

by Lawrence J. J. Leonard

Having the best of both worlds
is a go-to favorite fantasy
for people who look at life as a sweet snack,
an afternoon delight,
a normal part of daily living,
or an after-school treat
with friends who don’t sponge off of you.

Or, if you are like the rest of us,
having the best of both worlds
is a faded poster on a rainy street light.

Oh, it can be had,
but not without all that ink and soggy paper running down your arm.

Ready?
This easy three-step recipe
can be used on any two things or people
which you hope to get something out of
because you are dirty rotten filthy stinking rich.

Or, if you are like the rest of us,
just watch this played out on TV and
read about it in vapid glossy magazines.

Ingredients:

friends who can be bribed (or will do “dares” for money)
– room temperature soda pop
– a warm smile
– the effect of sincerity
– a vanilla scented candle
– two large eggs (men or women) <wink>

Get things going by asking your friends if you
“look okay” in a smiling picture you’ve posted online,
or just ask in person.

Whoever says ‘yes’ is probably the one who will
take money for a dare.

Or, if you are like the rest of us,
and dont have any money to squander,
just watch the nightly news and
take a shot every time someone says “now.”
Local news is the WORST.

Next, light the scented candle.

Followed by: Shake the bottle of soda really hard, then
open it on your balcony in front of your friends.

Whoever gets drenched will probably
find a way to get undressed in a hurry,
Give money either way.

This is the best of one world.

Or, if you are like the rest of us,
you will be in the backyard or courtyard
getting cursed out for acting
so reckless and clumsy.

Give a sincere apology.

If you have two large eggs
this is the best of the other world.

Just put the two together and enjoy your naked friend(s).

Or, if you are like the rest of us,
make an omelet.

Copyright © 1960-2017 Lawrence J. J. Leonard All rights reserved.

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