Old world wisdom, new world insight – poems, poetry, philosophy, dreams, commentary, ideas

My Nuss Won! ®

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by Lawrence J. J. Leonard

Why drink a SODA POP that ONLY offers you ZERO calories???
Drink this beverage instead AND LOSE WEIGHT!

My Nuss Won! ®

My Nuss Won! ® actually takes MORE calories to digest than it offers,
virtually guaranteeing you lose weight from trying to swallow it
or the science involved in this endeavor.

Here is the “Formula” :

Water (no calories) – four (4) ounces,
Caramel Color (two (2) calories) – one drop, (from your grocer’s bakery department).

Now, mix the two together and freeze in a small, 5 ounce plastic drinking container.
After it is frozen, remove it from the plastic container
and  place it in a large, room temperature drinking glass.

Next, spend the next 25 minutes trying to
drink the defrosting beverage WITHOUT biting it

You will burn approximately three to five calories
trying to keep this unwieldy frozen torpedo in your mouth
without getting a brain freeze.

Total calorie intake = -1.
Now, that’s AMAZING!

TESTIMONIALS for My Nuss Won! ®
“My nuss WON ME OVER!
“I LOST weight BUT, my nuss WON!

DISCLAIMER for My Nuss Won! ®
Considerable effort has been made to ensure that
the information provided on this IMAGINARY product
is accurate, up to date, and otherwise adequate in all respects.

Nevertheless, this information is made available to you on this blog
and all other persons and entities STRICTLY on the basis that
the formula and the actual directions for eating and drinking caramel colored water
remains your own responsibility.

The comical compilation, writing, editing, approval and publication of,
and any other kind of reiteration in connection with, the information here
is strictly not considered contractual in a court of law
but nevertheless remains COPYRIGHTED material.

Therefore, if you steal my joke without attribution,
I will burn your weight-loss seeking ass.
Just Kidding!
I meant to write “boil” there, instead of that “burn” word.

So, just to be clear, I disclaim any and all responsibility for
your taking my homemade recipe for making caramel colored ice 
 for licking and swallowing purposes.

And any inaccuracy, error, omission, lateness or any other kind of
inadequacy, deficiency, or flaw in, or in relation to
drinking frozen water IS YOUR OWN STINKING FAULT;
unless all of this makes you laugh, which is considered a legal admission making
 you an accomplice in this farce and guilty as sin.

Don’t believe everything you read, unless it is a poem by me,
and in such matters, it is probably based on something real and tangible
such as water (H2O) and its alternatively chemically frozen state.


Drinking water can cause Humans to urinate.

WARNING #2 – kind of . . . . . .
Do not eat asparagus before drinking frozen water
also known as “ice” in some parts of America,
because the human body breaks down
asparagusic acid into volatile, sulfur-bearing compounds
and they smell yucky.

Either way, Good Luck with the weight loss thing this winter.

Copyright © 1960-2016 Lawrence J. J. Leonard  All rights reserved.

Author: SpindoctorUSA

Read about it here:

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