How God created the animals (maybe) – Part 1

by Lawrence J. J. Leonard

Please enjoy this holiday repartee between the Creator and the helpers.
Happy Holidays!

Alligator
G:  Take that rolling green log in the river and fill it with teeth.
Angels: What about eyesight?
G:  Give it two eyelids and uh , , ,  a tasty tail.

Bat
G:  It’s really a hairy black potato – with wings.
Angels: Well . . . and?
G:  And make it sleep upside down

Bee
G:  Let’s put a needle on its butt.
Angels: But isn’t that going to?
G:  Yeah, but make its barf up delicious.

Chimpanzee
G:  Take a gorilla and shrink it down and make it smart.
Angels: Oo! Oo! Hey!
G:  It should make THAT noise, too.

Duck
G:  Get a pigeon and put a surfboard where its mouth goes.
Angels: We’ll have to make it waddle.
G:  Yes! With flippers for feet and an annoying ‘quack’ call.

Kitten
G:  I need the softest fur for the warmest adorable hug.
Angels: That is so sweet!
G:  And put razors blades on the end of each paw.

Mosquito
G:  I want this one to make humans spray on chemicals
and then slap themselves when it flies by.
Angels: Hahaha! <ahem> Right away.

Octopus
G:  Give it eight really strong arms
Angels: Wuh –  we just ran out of bones.
G:  Right, then give it strong suction cup thingies.

Panda
G:  Cow bear!
Angels: What? Wait.
G:  Did I stutter?
Angels: No, but we . . .
G:  Let’s take a cow and make it a bear, K?

Parrot
G:  We should tie-dye a little chick with big talons.
Angels: Does it cluck?
G:  More like squawks – aaaaand repeats words it hears.

Raccoon
G:  Let’s make a real thirsty cat with a fox face.
Angels: Any special coloring?
G:  I’m thinking burglar mask or better yet, trash digging skills!
Angels: Uh , , ,
G:  You’re right, Both! And with ringed tail.

Snake
G:  This one’s going to have a long throat.
Angels: O-kay?
G:  You’re right. Make it all throat. With teeth and adjustable jaw.
Angels: What about a face?
G:  Round for the helpers, pointy for the killers.

Snapping Turtle
G:  So, we need a naked lizard that likes to bite.
Angels: How will it stay warm?
G:  Jam it into an army helmet.

Spider
G:  This one’s got eight spindly legs
Angels: Isn’t that excessive?
G:  Also gonna have four pairs of eyes.
Angels: You might want to take a minute and , , ,
G:  Give it a butt rope.

Copyright © 1960-2016 Lawrence J. J. Leonard  All rights reserved.

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