Old world wisdom, new world insight – poems, poetry, philosophy, dreams, commentary, ideas

Pun Control – Eight – Barring all decency

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by Lawrence J. J. Leonard

I once did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

The Scarecrow told the Tin Man:
“The closer you walk toward the Kilauea Volcano, the more it will test your mettle.”

What day of the year do we get the command to go forward?

March 4th!

Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.

Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.
“I can’t serve you,” he says, “you’re Bard!”

Why do ambassadors never get sick? Diplomatic immunity.

Chronic illegal parkers suffer from parking-zones disease.

When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.

P: Why did the cancer patient cross the road?
C: To get to the other side.
P: Couldn’t she just have waited? (thanks, Gramma)

Schrodinger’s Cat walks into a bar . . . and doesn’t.

Gardeners always know the ground rules.

To the guy who invented Zero: “Thanks for nothing!

The truth may ring out like a bell, but it is seldom ever tolled.

In some places fog will never be mist.

The last man on the Earth walks into a bar, finds a beer, opens it and says:
“Drink, I need another bartender.”

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but it will came back to me.

The sheep rustler who broke out of jail is now on the lam.

Have you got bills to pay? If you do, please give it back. He looks silly bald.

This tree frog tells a stray cat:
“After YOU croak nine times, you’re dead to me.”

“You think that I don’t even mean
A single word I say
It’s only words and words are all I have
To take your heart away.”
.                                                      ~  Bee Gees
“Words” written by Barry, Robin & Maurice Gibb
.                                                                  1968

Laugh today.  I Love you and Pray for you!


See also Pun Control – SEVEN – Click here

Copyright © 1960-2016 Lawrence J. J. Leonard  All rights reserved

Author: SpindoctorUSA

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