by Lawrence J. J. Leonard
What was old and wrong is new again (and still wrong).
This is Groundhog Millennium!
Misstatements are the new Truth.
Here are echoes of the 20th Century that still shape Earth’s human condition:
“I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.”
~ Will Rogers
“If you are going through hell, keep going.”
~ Winston Churchill
“I haven’t slept for ten days,
because that would be too long.”
~ Mitch Hedberg
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”
~ Groucho Marx
“There’s a bunch of different crunches that affect the abs.
My favorite is Nestle.”
~ Shmuel Breban
“When I was 10 years old, I beat up the school bully.
His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.”
~ Emo Philips
“Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time and it annoys the pig.”
~ Robert Heinlein
“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate.
And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.”
~ Jack Handey
“Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.”
~ Proverbs 26:4
Here are some goodies, but not yet oldies:
My belt holds up my pants.
The belt loops hold up the belt.
Which one do I need more?
Take her wife. Please.
Whenever I fill out an application,
in the part that says ‘Notify in case of emergency’
I put ‘DOCTOR.’ Like that was not obvious.
We never really grow up,
while only a few of us learn how to act in public.
Why does everyone believe that the universe has four billion stars,
but no one believes the place called ‘wet paint’ is still wet?
Two guys walked into a bar.
The third one ducked.
Some people hear voices.
Some people can see ghosts.
The rest of us have no imagination whatsoever.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to become President,
but the Miss America contest has 52 choices?
We are never too old to learn something stupid.
Copyright © 1960-2016 Lawrence J. J. Leonard All rights reserved.