By Lawrence J. J. Leonard
A U.S. commission was finally addressing the burning question that has been plaguing the Departments of: Education, Weights & Measures, Commerce, Management & Budget, Health and Human Services, and the Social Security Administration for more than 50 years. “What exactly is “two times two and who can verify the answer?” The designated federal experts spoke out to discuss it.
The DOE chief of engineering education whipped out a slide rule, shuffled it back and forth, and announced, “Three point nine-nine, with a minor fluctuation.”
The Weights and Measures officer ran a developmental simulation through his computer and said, “It lies between three point nine-eight and four point zero-two.”
The OMB director demanded, “Two times two? What do we really mean?”
The Social Security administrator asked, “I can’t say, but it’s nice talking about it, isn’t it?”
The Chief of Staff interjected, “We are going to have to define two times two more precisely.”
The EPA cabinet appointment asked, “Is it a polygamous mating system?”
The Statistics officer pondered a second and said, “I don’t know! What I can say is that the answer does exist.”
That’s when the HHS doctor of medicine from Houston shook her head and yelled out, “The answer is four!”
The conference room fell silent.
“How do you know the answer is four?” inquired the Commissioner.
The Houston doctor unfolded her arms and said, “I memorized it, of course!”