by Lawrence J. J. Leonard
K-mart has a Christmas Layaway Plan available each July for those on a tight but disciplined budget. How much discipline does it take to begin celebrating in July?
The Credit Card companies have commercials on TV using popular holiday tunes to remind us – year round – that Christmas is coming and they want you to shop now, while you are not really thinking about it, and put those gifts in the back of your closet, just in case anyone gets too nosy with what you purchased, so you can have it ready to wrap at a moment’s notice.
This presents me with a HUGE problem. How to hide a decorated tree I bought from the online Christmas Store in order to surprise my family and guests on Thanksgiving Day?
More importantly I am now faced with the deeper meaning of what the tree I choose to display really says about me. There are ***no*** real answers on ‘blogthings,’ though.
Fortunately, I was able to read some secret North Pole files that Santa Claus had transcribed from letters over the years with real holiday tree farmers and bona fide artificial tree designers. Here are some insights as to what your Christmas / Holiday tree choice says about you.
- Berkshire Pine – Traditions are best – Boxing Day and Feast of the Epiphany.
- Brinkley Pine – Great for inviting guests over. Not really kid friendly.
- Bristlecone / Foxtail Pine – Tinsel is the sparkle. Memories are more important.
- Brookfield Fir – The star at the top completes the room.
- Cashmere – Just expensive enough to show you don’t mingle.
- Chester Pine – Beards, long hair, stout eggnog, and big Turkey legs are in order.
- Colorado Spruce – all the fullness of Santa’s belly.
- Fremont Fir – Everything good is big and tall. You love extra lights.
- Indiana Spruce – Room to hide a few gifts and hang homemade ornaments.
- Jackson Spruce – Homebody, naturalist. Your presents are personal.
- Lenox Pine – You love snow and everything frosted.
- Madison Pine – Trendy. Out there, but trendy.
- Manchester Spruce – Soccer / football is the season. Christmas is fun, too.
- Prescott Pine – With blue blood who needs stockings?
- Sanford Fir – The bell shape of your stock portfolio. Second significant other?
- Scottsdale Pine – No one pulls off a themed event better than you.
- Shelton Fir – A ‘holiday’ tree for non-Christians. Pleasant and tasteful.
- Thompson Fir – Built for candy canes, stringed popcorn, and a bright angel.
- Vermont Fir – Room for everybody where this tree stands.
- White Winterberry – You enjoy a Charlie Brown tree that sparkles.
- Whitebark Pine – You’re outdoorsy. (Endangered. Mother Nature decorates it.)
- Winston Pine – Cozy enough for the retired couple or the CEO’s desk.
Which one are you?
I am a traditionalist and hope to show off an artificial Thompson Fir with a mish mash of homemade and been-there-done-that ornaments that I have used for the last 10 years.
Now, where can I hide the porcelain elves and snow people village which I plan to rush out of the dollar store soon so I can pop onto the piano on December 1st?
Inkh tan ba.
Shlam a la.
Copyright © 1960-2015 Lawrence J. J. Leonard All rights reserved.